I am a bit late to the Phoebe Waller-Bridge train but I am glad I jumped on when I did. A couple of years ago, a friend highly recommended “Fleabag” to me but I just never got around to watching it. More recently I started hearing the name Phoebe Waller-Bridge more and more, mainly linked to the success of “Killing Eve”. 

 

I have to admit I started watching “Fleabag” without knowing what Phoebe Waller-Bridge looked like. Funnily enough, the first thing I remember thinking while watching the pilot was: “this is great casting choice for the character of Fleabag. We have seen the fourth wall being broken before, but this is something different, the timing this actress has, how she is voicing this character… it just feels so fresh”. Then I did my research and realized that the actress was Phoebe Waller-Bridge. So Phoebe had not only created and written the show, she was also playing Fleabag. Silly me, I know. Still, everything made more sense, because Fleabag has a very specific voice.

 

The first character Fleabag actually talks to in the show is us, the audience. In that sense, the first relationship we are introduced to in the show is Fleabag’s relationship with us. This allows for two things. Firstly, it introduces what will be a recurring storytelling mechanism throughout the show: breaking the fourth wall. Secondly, it allows us as spectators to immediately know what is going on and what we are to her: we are her confidants, her friends, her moral support. And that is what we will be throughout the series. Or will we? As the episodes go on, we will detect that something is wrong, that there is something Fleabag is not telling us. This to me is the most interesting aspect of this show. Because we are her confidants, we hear her tell us what she really thinks about the person she is talking and smiling to. However, no one is ever completely honest. Even with their closest friends. It is the same with Fleabag and us. This is why we can tell that when she is talking to us she is mostly showing off. She is trying to prove to us (and herself) how smart and in control she is and how the rest of the people around her have issues. In a way, it reminds me of social media and how everyone shows us a curated version of their lives, which is funny because social media is not mentioned on the show. I guess that is why Fleabag has us. We see what she wants us to see and she quickly changes subject if something difficult comes up. 

 

The first episode of this series is a masterclass of what a pilot episode should be. We are introduced to the characters, the conflicts between them and it is done so with incredible dialogues, acting and rhythm. I have found many shows take a few episodes to actually find their voice and establish themselves. “Fleabag”, however, knows what it is from the start. We are introduced to the rest of the main characters and her relationships with them. We have her sister, Claire, who is quite the opposite from Fleabag: she is a “type A” person: controlling and quite dubious of her sister’s choices. Her father, with whom she shares a caring yet complicated relationship. Father seems to have a difficult time expressing himself. After the death of Fleabag’s mother, her father has had a hard time communicating with his daughters which he tries to compensate by inviting them to feminist lectures. There’s also Martin, Claire’s drunk and extremely inappropriate husband; Harry, Fleabag’s on again/off again boyfriend (who I personally thought was hilarious) and Boo, Fleabag’s best friend, who accidentally killed herself. That’s right: after finding out her boyfriend slept with someone else, Boo decided to run into a bike lane to get slightly hurt and get his sympathy. She got killed instead. And three others. Funnily enough, Claire, Boo and Martin are the few characters that have names. We also have Godmother, who Father is dating and she is just terrible (but oh-so-fun-to-watch-I-fucking-love-you-Olivia-Colman). 

 

So what is “Fleabag” about? It’s about growth. About how scary it is to “adult”. None of us know what we are doing. We all try to get our shit together but it’s hard. Relationships are hard. Being a good person/friend/sister/daughter/feminist is hard. No matter how many feminist lectures Claire and Fleabag attend, they would still give years of their life for the perfect body. In one of the episodes, Claire and Fleabag attend a female silent retreat for women to gather their thoughts. Or, as the retreat leader puts it: “Trapping the thoughts in your skull. Think of it as a thought prison in your mind.” Funnily enough, a second retreat is going on next door. A retreat for men to become “Better Men”. In this retreat, however, instead of quiet meditation, the men are made to yell insults at dolls in order to deal with their hatred of women. So women are supposed to be better through being quiet and repressed while scrubbing the floor and gardening, while men are allowed to be free and say what they want. Yes, Phoebe Waller-Bridge DID THAT.

 

Throughout the show we see Fleabag slowly break down because even though she tries to pretend everything is ok, she is clearly lost. As she reveals to her father in the pilot: “I have a horrible feeling I am a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist”. It is in these moments that the show gets to us though. The show is clearly a comedy and will really make you laugh out loud. But what is brilliant about it is that in between these moments of laughter, Phoebe really throws a dramatic punch: “Either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or I am completely alone?”, she asks in the finale after confessing her pain. She is not. We are with her. She is clearly broken, insecure and often scared but, aren’t we all?

 

We see Fleabag make some questionable choices throughout the series. She steals the statue from Godmother, lies to her father about having stolen it, sells the statue to Martin so he can sell it and take a commission. She tells in the second episode she is not obsessed with sex. She just can’t stop thinking about it. This totally explains her relationship choices, as we can see the men in her life are all terribly wrong for her. I guess this is why it feels so right to see her befriend the Bank Manager who denied her bank loan for her cafe in the pilot. They meet again during their respective retreats and we see two broken people, more alike than they originally seemed, clearly relating to one another. “I’m just a very disappointing man”, echoing Fleabag’s earlier statement about not being able to call herself a feminist. Bank Manager wants to “move on” and so does Fleabag. Images of a woman’s hands removing a man’s clothing started flashing to us for a few seconds in the last episodes. But she clearly pushes these images away as soon as they come up. They are clearly unsettling to her. And as an audience we are beginning to tie things together. Can it be that she was the one who slept with Boo’s boyfriend? Was she the reason Boo decided to run into traffic? Fleabag just answers Bank Manager with a heartbreaking: “I just want to cry, all the time.”

 

The main theme this season deals with is redemption or the need for redemption. This is why the character of Fleabag and Bank Manager being able to connect is important. They are both trying to atone, to be better. Bank Manager acknowledges what and who he has done wrong. Fleabag, however, is trying to run away from it. She never does tell us what she did to Boo, it is actually Claire who reveals her secret to us. In the last episode of the season, everything comes crumbling down for Fleabag when she has a falling out with her Godmother and Father at her Godmother’s Sexposition (yes, that “s” is supposed to be there). And Claire ends up mad at Fleabag when she accuses her of kissing Martin. Fleabag insists it was the other way around. “How can I believe you?”, Claire asks. “After what you did to Boo?”. Fleabag looks at us scared. She tries to run from us but wherever she goes, there we are, following her. The music becomes loud and erratic. “I’m sorry, but you just have to see it from my point of view”, Claire says. Fleabag is no longer controlling the narrative. And with that, the flashbacks reveal everything. In the last episode of the season, everyone turns on her: Claire chooses Martin over her while Father chooses Godmother. They can’t trust her. And can we? Scared and embarrassed, Fleabag makes the choice for us as she pushes us away. It is no longer comfortable to have us around. 

 

Fleabag needs to be told that her best friend’s death was not her fault. But at the same time, she has to learn that actions have consequences. And even though some of them are not her fault (Boo getting killed), she did hurt her best friend by doing what she did. As a sex addict, this is hard for her. She clearly uses sex to feel less lonely. The only person she could talk with about her troubles is Boo, but she is gone. Maybe she tried substituting Boo for us, but we are not the same. She knows we are not the same. And until she can bring herself to admit to us what she did to Boo, she will never get the redemption she is looking for. 

 

Fleabag is brought to a point of no return where she seems to want to suffer the same fate as Boo did. Luckily enough, Bank Manager sees her from her car and stops her. They both have a conversation where she confesses everything. When she does, he uncomfortably leaves the cafe, not quite knowing what to say. Has she been abandoned once again? We are left wondering for a few long seconds, but we are relieved to see him come back with a folder in his hand. Unlike Fleabag’s family, Bank Manager is willing to give Fleabag a second chance and interviews her again for her bank loan. Having been through what he has been through and hearing Fleabag’s confession, it seems that he agrees with Boo. “People make mistakes”. (“That is why they put rubbers at the end of pencils.”)

 

Phoebe Waller-Bridge only wanted to do one season and I completely understand why, as this season works perfectly. It ends with her broken, embarrassed. She pushes us away after we find out the truth about her. She doesn’t want us to follow her anymore. We are not her friends anymore. We know too much. She doesn’t think we can handle it. However, we do have some hope for her as she gets a second chance for a loan and we understand,- this is a chance for her to start over. To have a new friend, to be better. It’s a satisfying ending to a perfect series. Having said that… I am so glad she decided to do write the second season because it is even better than the first.